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Home » Why you always mess up in your copy and relationships (and how to fix it)

Why you always mess up in your copy and relationships (and how to fix it)

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Hi from Italy! I’ve been closing a couple of client projects lately and I’ve had more space for some very deep thoughts in between one big Italian meal and the next. Brace yourself…

I like playing with ideas.

And while rereading “A new earth” by Eckhart Tolle, I started forming a working theory for why we struggle to communicate both in real life, but also with our copy.

From the book:

“[When communicating with someone] The conceptual image your mind has made of yourself is relating to its own creation, which is the conceptual image it has made of the other person. The other person’s mind has probably done the same, so every egoic interaction between two people is in reality the interaction between four conceptual mind-made entities that are ultimately fictions. It is therefore not surprising there is so much conflict in relationships. There is no true relationship.

Let’s call it “The 4 minds conversation” model.

Every interaction is actually the exchange of information between 4 mental models of reality:

  1. The “I” that my mind has created
  2. The “You” that my mind has created
  3. The “I” that the other person’s mind has created of themselves
  4. The “You” that the other person’s mind has created of myself

How do we create these mental models? We create the “I” through upbringing, memories and experiences. And we create the “You” through past interactions and expectations.

How can we use this in our copy? Keep it in mind when writing because your prospects do the same…

They form their own self image through past buying experiences (I bought XYZ so I am this type of buyer / XYZ made me feel like…). And they create an image for your brand or product through interactions with your competitors and through what they expect from you (others do it differently/better/worse, so these guys are unique/better/worse).

At all times with your copy you are creating your brand’s image and trying to communicate it without disruptions so your audience gets it the same way you thought about it.

It’s not easy.

And the secret is in telling your story in a way that resonates with what you know about them and their story.

The more you know, the better of course.

I had a cool exchange with Neville Medhora on this (scroll up to see the whole thread):

Once you think of it this way, it’s like seeing the Matrix.

What’s your take on this? I’d love to know!

✅ In case you missed it

  • Since it’s hard to have my full Youtube setup while here in Italy, I decided to post another episode of my new podcast “Writers Of Influence” this week. We dive into part 2 of “The real Mad Men” book, all about legend Bill Bernbach and how/why to use creativity in copy.
  • Another episode of my live mastermind is up. Listen/watch to get a behind the scenes at mine and my friend’s Josh’s businesses. We talk about:
    • getting a new podcast started
    • Etsy stores (something in store for you, pun intended)
    • productized service landing pages
    • cold calling
    • balancing growing pains
    • newsletter growth strategies
    • optimizing social media content strategies

📚 3 things to be better at copywriting

  1. Quick tip to decrease bounce rate: it’s all about message match and awareness. You can quickly run a user test to find out what’s not working: Ask testers: “Look at this page for 10 seconds, would you stay to learn more or would you leave? Why?”.

2. I recently won a wisdom keeping device. Have no idea what I’m talking about? Check this out:

And then have a look at the 1000 questions in the article I link to. There’s literally gold in there that you can use both for self-reflection, but also for customer interviews (I love questions like: “What false belief did you shed that liberated you?”) for example.

A great quote by money guru Dave Ramsey about experimenting and learning from failure, which is what you should think of when launching your copy: “Our failures at Ramsey are in number and in money way greater than our successes. The only difference is we survived them.

🤔 Thought of the week

“The real thrill of acquiring anything, whether it is an object or a personal goal, is your anticipation of the moment of receiving it. The real joy lies in creating and sustaining the stamina and patience needed to work for something over a period of time.”

– Thomas M. Sterner, The Practicing Mind

If you can’t find joy in the process, don’t expect to find it at the end of the journey. Always look first for the subtle signs that you’re enjoying the work required.

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brain dump?

Every week I write about what I’m learning at my copywriting/UX desk ,with fun, insightful and quirky stories.

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